If There Was No You
by beyondtheneonlights
Summary: Callie and Arizona's relationship, throughout flashbacks. They were together for a year, but had trust issues.. will they get back together and prove their love for each other? - I'm horrible at summaries, but please read - The First 4 chapters are up.
1. Baby I Need You

I posted this on the Callie_Arizona livejournal as well (under the same username), I brought it over here because I thought you readers might enjoy it as well :)

Author : pgirl202

Title : If There Was No You (1/?)

Pairing : Callie/Arizona

Rating : R for language (eventually)

Summary : Callie and Arizona spent the past year together, but end their romance due to trust issues from both women. They still love each other and remain friendly. Will they get back together and have their love prove the test of time? Chapters will switch between Arizona and Callie's POV.

_Maybe I need you,_

_Here in this hotel room_

_Thinking about angels_

_Thinking about what they do_

_Maybe they'll fly you_

_Bring you right here to me_

_Cover the miles_

_Cause heaven knows what I need_

_Maybe I need you_

I fight for what I love. I fight for what is right, for what is fair. I fight for hope, for dreams, for sleep. Mainly, I fight for you. It's something I will never stop doing. Alone in the bed that once occupied the two of us, my mind races over how much we meant to me, how much you meant to me. In the apartment I share with an obnoxiously loud roommate, I miss the stillness of your breathing. How your hair danced upon your skin. God I miss the softness of your skin, the smell of your shampoo.

My heart still skips a beat when I see you walk through the halls of Seattle Grace, my breath gets caught up in my throat when you smile or laugh that raspy laugh of yours – that's something I'll never tell you, how much I need you. I can't form the right words to say, "I need you" doesn't seem like it justifies how I'm feeling, "I cant stop thinking about us" doesn't sound good enough, "I am such a moron for letting you go", "You are all I ever needed", "I am still in love with you. You are my heart, my soul." All the words I should be saying to you can never seem to shoot past my lips. So I'm stuck thinking them, I'm stuck feeling the emotions of a heartbroken teenager who just ended their first love. The first date we had, the last date we had and all the nights in between them flood my brain like they are happening all over again. They should be happening all over again.

Do you know I sometimes sleep in the sweatshirt you left? Three months have passed since we ended our relationship, the scent of your perfume is fading from your pillow, like a distant memory. I miss the scent - it was surprising coming from you. Sweet, flowery, very girly for a self-proclaimed bad ass Ortho surgeon like yourself. I miss you. I miss you. _I miss you._

My shift tonight at the hospital was long and tiring. I was going on almost twenty-four hours of non-stop work, and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep in tomorrow. I had five back-to-back surgeries, ranging from a six year old girl with a liver transplant, to Daniel, a ten year old boy fighting his battle with cancer. Luckily for me, they all pulled through to live another day, which was rare, usually we have one or two that do not make it. That's the part that always kills me, having to tell the parents that their little boy or girl didn't make it and that I tried my best. This would be the part of the day that I'd be sharing with you Calliope, so you could see the accomplishment written all over my face.

I head back to the small apartment, dropping my bag, keys, and jacket in the right spots as I enter the living room. I fix a sandwich, flipping on the television for something to watch since I can't seem to fall asleep just yet. Two hours later, I find myself rubbing my eyes feeling the effects of staying up finally slipping in. Settling in bed, I am off to dream about the future we should be having. I stare at the empty spot next to me where you should be lying right now. I really hope that I will find the strength to tell you I need you because I'm not sure how many more days and nights I can keep living without you.


	2. I Never Told You

Author : pgirl202

Title : If There Was No You (2/?)

Pairing : Callie/Arizona

Rating : R for language (eventually)

Summary : Callie and Arizona spent the past year together, but end their romance due to trust issues from both women. They still love each other and remain friendly. Will they get back together and have their love prove the test of time? Chapters will switch between Arizona and Callie's POV.

_I see your blue eyes, every time I close mine_

_You make hard to see_

_Where I belong to when I'm not around you_

_It's like I'm not with me_

_But I never told you, what I should of said_

_No I never told you, I just held it in_

**Callie**

You are all I think about. When I dream at night, you are all I see. You are great, so amazingly great and I blew it. I will never stop missing you; I will never stop loving you. As I pace the floors of Seattle Grace, I find myself searching for your face, searching for the right words to tell you I'm sorry. I relive the night we broke up like a movie that never stops playing.

_**Three Months Earlier**_

_Callie and I are in our apartment, well technically it's still only mine, but she is here all the time, so we just call it home. Drawers are being thrown open, Callie taking everything out in handfuls and shoving it into one of her duffel bags that she never took back to her apartment when she left._

"_Where the hell are you going Cal?" I was too tired to argue I had just worked a forty-three hour shift, so my voice was raspy, full of exhaustion but she could still hear me. She met my eyes with dark cold ones and went back to shoving shirts, jeans and scrubs into her bags._

"_Maybe you should go back out with that redheaded nurse you were with, Zona. I am going home." Her voice was cracking, she sounded broken and frail. But I had absolutely no idea what she meant._

"_Calliope, what are you talking about? My shift just ended at the hospital, where the hell would I find time to go out? We've spent the other moments that we both were home with each other. If I were to go out, you'd be by my side" I went to reach for her arm but she pulled it back, so I placed my own back at my side._

"_I went to the PED floor when my shift ended, because I knew yours ended an hour or so after mine, so I asked one of the nurses where you were and she said you were with some redheaded nurse named Melody. Who is she Arizona?" She started to raise her voice as her hands fell to her sides. This was not like Callie at all to get jealous; she knew my heart was only hers. "Who is she?" She asked again, not finding the strength to look at me._

_I thought long and hard before it clicked in my head, obviously too long because Callie had picked up her bags and started walking to the door. "Calliope, wait!" I sprinted from the bedroom to the living room in order to catch her._

"_Melody is one of the Mercy West PEDs residents. I was showing her around before my surgery started. Why are you acting so jealous? You really have nothing to be jealous of."_

_Turning around, Callie looked at me with sad eyes, "I saw her with you Arizona, she couldn't keep her eyes off you and you were way too friendly with her." She turned back around and headed out the door. I stood in shock as the door slammed, now that Callie mentioned it, she was being very hands on with me, I was just being nice to actually notice her flirting with me. I planned on talking to Melody the next day about this. I was not going to lose the best thing in my life. I prayed that I didn't lose her already, I saw the hurt and confusion on her face and it broke my heart. This was not fair to her, I promised Callie I wouldn't hurt her but that is all I am doing._

**Arizona**

I watched Callie from my table at Joe's, she had some gross lanky brunette next to her with this woman's hand placed on the small of her back. They were ordering a drink and laughing. Tequila for Callie, typical; white wine for gross lanky brunette. Were they on a date? I slumped back in my seat, toying with my glass of vodka and cranberry. I didn't even notice someone slip in next to me.

"Are they on a date?" His husky voice made me stumble out of my thoughts, Mark Sloan, always one for gossip was next to me. I turned to see Lexie next to him, giving me an apologetic smile.

It sure seemed like they were on a date. I sat quietly before the next ten minutes, watching her every move before I excused myself with tears in my eyes. As I started to walk away, Mark grabbed my arm and hugged me tightly. "She isn't over you Arizona, if she was, she wouldn't keep mentioning your name every three seconds. The girl on her arm means nothing compared to the girl in her heart"

I headed out the door of Joe's quickly, not even bothering to look in Callie's direction and headed home for another sleepless night.


	3. Pride & JoyHeavenly Day

Author : pgirl202

Title : If There Was No You (3/?)

Pairing : Callie/Arizona

Rating : R for language (eventually)

Summary : Callie and Arizona spent the past year together, but end their romance due to trust issues from both women. They still love each other and remain friendly. Will they get back together and have their love prove the test of time? Chapters will switch between Arizona and Callie's POV.

_I throw myself into the wind_

_Hoping somebody will pick me up_

_And carry me again_

_Where are you now?_

_Do you let me down?_

_Do you make me grieve for you?_

_Do I make you proud?_

_Do you get me now?_

_Am I your pride and joy?_

**Arizona**

Stolen glances between Calliope and I go unnoticed to everyone but us. They especially go unnoticed by the brunette on her heels, Diana – the scrub nurse she went out with the night before. I found out who she was after one of my nurses saw them together at Joe's, and noticed me staring from the other side of the room.

My mind flutters to one of the many good times we had together and I get lost in thought.

_**Six Months Earlier**_

_Bliss is the word to describe the world wind relationship Calliope and I are in. We are like celebrities at Seattle Grace, everyone knows our names and relationship, which is kind of weird. I usually keep my private life and my professional life completely separate, but with Callie, I don't really care. She is mine, I am her's and there is no way I could ever want things to change._

_Standing in the hallway of Seattle Grace, I watch the one I love the most share a laugh with one of the interns. That's one thing I love about her, the way her entire face lights up as she flashes a brilliant smile and throws her head back with a hearty, delicious laugh. She doesn't notice me slide up behind her and grab hold of her wrist. When she feels my touch, she shifts her body around and her eyes find my own._

"_I love you" slides out of my mouth, with a smile._

_Her face scans my own before her lips come into contact with my cheek. "I love you too Zona" slips out of her lips like honey for my ears._

"_I have a surprise for you. When does your shift end? I know what you're going to say 'Calliope, you know I hate surprises' I know you do and I don't care. I'm surprising you and you are going to love it" That is just another thing I love about Callie, she knows what I am going to say before it can even be a thought in my mind, I just smile at her._

"_I have a 2 hour surgery in about a half hour, then I am done for the night. What about you baby?" We talk to each other like we are the only people in the room, and to us, we are._

"_I am actually finished now, I was on my way to find you but you found me first. Want to go grab some coffee?" Her smile fills her face and her hand finds my own and entwines our fingers. _

_We walk through the halls of Seattle Grace together silently, enjoying time together, ignoring the stares or hushed voices as we pass. They could shout at us if they wanted, that the love we share is wrong, sinful, disgusting, hot, publicity stunt, but they don't and it's comforting, not being shouted hurtful names to. With Callie, it's right, everything about us is right. The way her hand always seems to find my own, the way I am not shy about leaning my body into her own after a long shift or surgery in front of everyone, the way her smile finds mine across the room or down the hall, the way it is right now, absolutely perfect._

_We find a bench outside of the hospital, the crisp air hitting our skin is welcoming, Callie automatically wraps her arm around my shoulder and I wrap my own around the front of her waist. Coffees occupy our free hands, my lips trace hers for a quick kiss, something we have not been able to do since our shifts started this morning._

_We spend the next twenty minutes enjoying each others warmth from the cool air, stealing kisses every now and then. Bliss is what this is, I am so ridiculously in love with this girl._

_After an unsuccessful surgery, all I want to do is go home and cuddle with my love. I make my way to my locker to change and see a note on top of my clothes._

_**Miss you already; Cant wait until you are in my arms.**_

_**Xoxo, Calliope.**_

_My heart flutters and I quickly change, head to the elevator and leave the hospital for another day. The fifteen minute drive to the apartment Calliope and I practically live together in is short, filled with music and dreams of the night. I effortlessly slide my key into the lock and open the door. Empty apartment with all the lights off._

"_Babe?" I slip off my jacket as I go in search for Callie, dropping it along with my purse on the floor. The light is softly shining on our bedroom floor, and I smile to myself._

_Opening the door I find Calliope sleeping lightly, a blanket wrapped around her and her hands underneath her face. With the light shining against her, I swear she looks like an angel. I toss and turn with the decision to wake her, but she stirs and opens her eyes once she feels someone eyeing her._

"_Hi baby. I was just waking up, I swear" Her raspy, sleep filled voice floods my ears and I smile. I slide into bed next to her and place a kiss on her cheek, then neck, and finally land upon her lips. Her eyes close with the contact of our lips together but soon open to break the kiss._

"_You. In the kitchen now. I made dinner" Bossy, sassy Calliope, very hot. I shift off of the bed as her hands slide around my waist and we walk into our small kitchen. In the oven is chicken and pasta, staying warm. How did I not notice the scrumptious smell when I got home? Calliope puts some on each of our plates and brings them to the small table off to the corner of the kitchen. I bring red wine and two glasses. We talk about our day as we eat and drink, I notice how tired Callie looks but she just shakes it off,_

_After dinner, she puts our dishes in the sink and I pour us another glass of wine. Callie goes into the connecting living room and turns on a soft song before coming to find my hand and pulling me close to her._

"_This is heaven, Cal." I mutter against her shoulder as we sway together against the music._

"_This isn't your surprise sweetie" she laughs before detangling herself from me and changes the CD to one of my favorite songs._

_The music stings my ears as Callie slides back into my warm embrace._

_Her breath tickles my ear as she places a kiss right below it._

"_Oh heavenly day, all the clouds blew away_

_Got no trouble today with anyone_

_The smile on your face I live only to see_

_It's enough for me, baby, it's enough for me_

_Oh, heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day"_

_Callie sings along to the tune, so quietly that only I can hear her. _

"_I learned all the words to your favorite songs, so you would never have to sing alone Arizona" My heart pounds against my chest, my eyes well up with tears and I kiss her with the newfound passion that has formed inside of me._

_My wonderful, sweet, compassionate Calliope. She pulls a box off of the table and doesn't have to open it before I shout the answer. "Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes."_

_She just looks at me with a smile and a laugh as she slides a small ring onto my left hand._

_This was possibility the best surprise I have ever gotten in my life. This was the one person who I did not hate surprises for, not anymore._

_The person in front of me was my heart in human form._

My eyes fill with tears, letting them dust against my cheeks before the long stretch to the floor, as I steal another glance at Callie at the nurses' station. Her eyes catch mine for a split second and I think she remembers. My right hand slid to my left, fiddling with the empty spot where the ring once occupied. My heart. Right in front of my eyes and I am letting her go.

------

Flashback is in italics, present time is normal font. This was my favorite chapter to write, based on one line, I had it in my head for a while. Thinking how to revolve an entire chapter based on a few short words.

Songs for the chapter "Pride and Joy" Brandi Carlile and "Heavenly Day" by Patty Griffin


	4. Untouchable

Author : pgirl202  
Title : If There Was No You (4/?)  
Pairing : Callie/Arizona  
Rating : R for language (eventually)  
Summary : Callie and Arizona spent the past year together, but end their romance due to trust issues from both women. They still love each other and remain friendly. Will they get back together and have their love prove the test of time? Chapters will switch between Arizona and Callie's POV.

_In the middle of the night  
When I'm in this dream  
Its like a million little stars spelling out your name  
You gotta, come on, come on  
Say that we'll be together  
Come on, come on  
Little taste of heaven_

**Callie**

_**Three Months Earlier**___

The doubt flooded my mind when I saw her hand pressed against the small of your back, jealously surged through my veins. Why was she touching you in such close proximity? I thought you were going to talk to her about this, about us.

"Melody.." Her name slid through your mouth, and she stopped walking.  
"Yes, Dr. Robbins?" Her hand in still on your back, and I am trying to hold everything in me back, mainly because you do not know I am here.

"I have sometime to talk to you about, I'm sorry if I have throwing you signals, I don't mean to, I am just a genuinely friendly person.. But, my partner is very upset and thinks I am cheating. I am not going to jeopardize my relationship, I am very much in love." Arizona's eyes scanned the floor when she was finished speaking.

Melody Harris, stares at the wall, like she can see where I am hiding. I gulp quietly and turn away, in case she has seen me, which isn't likely. I watch her tilt Arizona's chin; making her look into her eyes, I can tell Arizona wants to be anywhere else right now. My feet are glued to the floor, I should be fighting for you, but I cannot move. I watch as her lips grace your own and I watch you pull back and move away.

"Um. Did you NOT just hear what I said, nurse Harris? I am Arizona Robbins, I am not a cheater, and I am in a very committed relationship." Your voice was raised about an octave higher, and I am on my way out the door. Rushing to get back to my floor, because I really might punch a bitch out.

You see me standing by the elevators and call out my name but I am jetting to the nearest stairwell. I know this isn't your fault, but anger is flooding my every ounce of my body. I need to calm down, soon.

My mind remembers that day like it was a nonstop movie playing before my eyes. I gave up, and I know it. It was my way out instead of fighting. The past few months before this, we fought day and night, over everything and nothing at the same time. It only got worse after the Melody drama. I'm watching you across the hospital room, we are in a consult with a patient, and she is ten years old and fell from a tree. I wish there was someone else who could take over because I cannot look you in the face right now. I watch you study the patients chart and frown. Your eyes find my own and I look down as you call my name, like a child that was scowled for doing something wrong.

"Doctor Torres. Can you please come outside with me?" You are usually sweet and kind when we work together, which lately has been more often than not, but today, something's not right, and it hurts me to hear the strain in your voice. I follow you out the door and try hard not to stare at you.

"This girl needs her stomach pumped, and child services needs to be called, immediately. She fell from the tree because she went up there and downed a whole bottle of Tylenol; her mother was not watching her at all. I'm going to take her into surgery; I do not want her mother to come near me when I am finished. Understand?" I nod, because I still am unable to form words around you. I slip away, and let the nurses know the situation.

My shift ends about an hour after the surgery, the girl is surviving, barely and her father replaced her mothers' spot at her bedside. I was called out when I finished repairing the girl's broken knee and was told that the mother is now talking to police and the girl will be staying with her father from now on. You were pleased, I'm sure, when you checked on our patient later to not see her mother.

I enter my apartment, another empty night since Christina is still at the hospital. I grab a glass of wine and head to my room, stopping at my dresser to pull out some clothes to change into and the box of things that I held onto of yours. There wasn't much in it, a few notes you wrote me, stickers (Why, I still have no idea), you're favorite flower that I pressed into a book and it fell out of when I was cleaning, the black box that held your engagement ring, and the letter you wrote me, when we fell downhill.

_My Dearest Calliope,  
Things between us have not been good for a while, we both know that. My love for you is stronger than you think, or will ever know. I will never stop fighting for your love, for your heart, and my heart will always be yours. I am tired of the constant fighting, as are you, so I think it's best if we end our engagement right now. It's not that I don't love you any less, but we are running ourselves ragged with the way we currently are. I know in my heart that we are meant to be together forever, please believe me. The day that I become your wife will be the happiest day of both of our lives, but it is not happening at this point. There are things I wish I could go back and change, words I've said would have never came out of my mouth, thoughts I've had would have never been in my mind. But I can't change anything. I think it would be best if we took a bit of a break, to calm down and find each other again when we are fully ready._

I will never stop loving you, you are where I belong Calliope, remember that.

_Arizona _

I let the tears fall freely from my eyes, even thought I've read this letter a thousand times before, it still breaks my broken heart.

I cry myself to sleep as I think of tomorrow. I am going to win my girl back; nothing is going to get in my way this time.

Song: Better Than Ezra (Also covered by Taylor Swift) – Untouchable  
This chapter is an iffy one for me, I am not 100% as happy as I was with the last chapter, but I think it explains a lot, or at least I hope it does


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